I won’t be talking about parenting in this post, I will be talking about myself, I asked my children what ‘BAE’ means and they said it’s ‘Before anyone else’ so I told them that I am myself’s bae, that is myself’s me before anyone else. Come and see reaction, surprise was an understatement, they just could not understand how it would be possible that they were not the center of my universe so I had to give it a second thought and realized they were indeed right, they are my ‘bae’ and I come a second after them.
Anyway, I have been hitting the gym lately and the way I binge on food is the way I binge on working out and exercise, when I want to exercise so I find out that I spend two hours nonstop on the treadmill and the secret is very easy, I will show you in a bit. Meanwhile, I usually don’t check my weight before I start working out because I always want to be pleasantly surprised after a month or so.And though I did not check my weight in the beginning, I am already noticing some changes. The main thing anyway is that I have a lot of fun in the gym, I make the most of it like I try to make the most of every situation I find myself after all, I doubt if anybody really likes exercising if they can help it, no?
Soooo, the secret? I dance to Fela’s music on the treadmill from Zombie to Teacher don’t teach me nonsense and all the other tracks back to back. You give it a try, I am sure you will be thanking me in your spirit, oya let’s go…. Zombie.……
Are you a mum of girls? Oya let’s run through some stuff we have in common.
- You have a mental map of all hair salons in your neighbourhood on your head and you spend almost up to
50% 25% of the household monthly income on hair attachment, hair accessories, hair everything, your weekend is not complete without either losing hair, or binding doing hair and in most cases you are the plan B hairdresser
- When birthday parties are yearly rituals and have to be perfect to the last dot.
- When all they seem to do is fight and squabble all the time
Okay, okay, you are not guilty, neither are you, I am the one at fault here, we should have spaced both of you about ten years apart, if we had foreseen these your squabbles.
- When you know they have woken up but they will refuse to come out of bed and pretend to be sleeping so that you will have to come and wake them up
Are you still sleeping? Okay, kontinuu
- When you have to eat concoction upon concoction in other to give them chance to learn how to cook
Oh, it’s nice, very nice, just minus a little salt, not add o, minus, okay?
- When you can’t bear to spank them no matter what they might have done wrong (because they are so unbearably cute and you wonder how your own parents were able to spank you when you were little, or maybe you were not as cute).
Look at them, are n’t they so, so, cute?
- When your domestic staff especially the male ones speak vernacular to you and want to speak English to them
Please abeg you, speak Yoruba before you break our heads in this house.
- When you have to strike a balance between protecting them and letting them have a life.
Come o, is n’t this your dress too short? See how beautiful your friend’s skirt is.
- When you grow dizzy from following them all over social media, in a friendly manner of course, not a ‘stalking’ one and you are so in a hurry to join Instagram that you load your photo upside-down
- When a male teacher can’t stop complimenting you on their good upbringing etc.
Thank you, hope it’s not more than compliment sha? Thinking that in my mind.
- When they gang up on you sometimes and decide to put you in Coventry for some ‘wrongs’ they think you have done them
Them: ‘Still not talking to you mum, we are n’t friends anymore’. Me: Ah , okay o, but I’m very sorry.
- When your girls grow up to be so unbearably beautiful that you want to keep them for yourself but you know you can’t.
One day, one day, some lucky guy will come and take them away, just pray the guy will realize how lucky he is sha
- When they become so vain and all they want to do is take selfies and look in the mirror from morning till night.
See my selfie mouth, I have also been practising pouting too you know? And see my baby, T3 all grown up, so fast..
- When you have to learn and quickly too to put people at arm’s length especially those people who your instinct tells you they want to transit into inlawship with you by force by fire and you know your girls are not yet ripe for ‘plucking’ and unlike Buhari, they are not for everybody, they are for some lucky ‘person’ when the time is ripe.
- When you look around you and see that you are in good company, so many families have girls just like you, the Obamas, the Clintons, Sadiq Khan (the new Mayor of London), Mohammodu Buhari, Baba Iyabo all have girls that any parent would be proud of, and even Queen Elizabeth too was a girl before she became Queen ke? Was n’t she
Buhari’s girls, oga ju, if he were from the Eastern part of Nigeria, he would make a fortune through dowry.
- When you have already started praying in advance for your future son in-law that you are still to meet but you know he is somewhere in this world sha and you are praying that whoever is bringing him up is doing a good job.
Serious prayer points ni o backed with unmistakable body language to show Baba God that you mean business (Like the woman in the middle).
- When you are looking forward to that ‘day’, the wedding day and beyond but at the
same time dreading it.
Parents, can you relate? Oya, add your own, like and share.