Who do you think you are?
1. Who do you think you are? The very first question, others will follow in quick succession.
2. If ………. says you should put your hands inside fire, will you do so? This is the question you get anytime you try to shift the blame to someone else or give the excuse that it is somebody else that made you do what you are accused of.
If Naijapikin says you should put your hand …..
3. What kind of child is this? I heard this so much it stuck and could not resist using it as this blog’s title
4. Is it smelling or not? (Standing menacingly over your head and holding a cane under your nose).
If you say it’s smelling, you are doomed, if you say it’s not smelling you are still doomed, either way you can’t escape punishment.
5. Go and ‘stood down’. To do this means to face downwards balancing on one leg and a finger.
6. If I slap you, you will hear wen/count stars
Me chonu means shut up
7. Me chonu! It means shut up in Igbo language. This was a favourite of my father’s despitethe fact that he was not Igbo
8. I work for my money you know?
9. If I pounce on you, your mouth will refuse food.
10. When I was young I used to walk …….. miles. (Insert the number of miles in the space provided)
11. England lady. This is used to bring you back to reality when you are all dressed up and are ‘feeling fresh’ with yourself
12. I always came first in class. Or if the parent wanted to be a bit honest , you would hear”I always got a unit position” . We used to wonder who got the remaining positions since it seemed that every one of them came first or got unit position
13.Just wait till I tell your father. This is the blackmail often used by mothers.
14. You are in hot soup !
15. Fem ? Your response? Fem ! This is backed up with the ‘holding lips’ gesture.
16. Olodo. Now we all know what odo means, it means zero, so olodo is the owner of zero. This is reserved for end of term when results are brought home and you have performed below expectation. It is also used when you do not seem to be grasping things fast enough.
17. Those children that got high scores do they have two heads ? Of course the answer is ‘No’ so if you say so, you will be punished because you have one head just like those other children and if you should say yes, that they have two heads, you will be seriously dealt with for telling a lie, so either way, you are doomed.
18.Paddy Odenson or Mrs Odenson depending on your gender. Ode means idiot or stupid, to call you paddy Odenson or Mrs Odenson is like adding jest to punishment if you get what I mean.
18. You want to pump tyre? To pump tyre means to carry out the up and down movement similar to the one made when using the manual bicycle pump. Men, I pumped a lot of tyres o !
19.Whatisall that katikati? Katikati has several meanings ranging from tantrum throwing, and all sorts of unruly behaviour or what can be interpreted as nonsense’ by our parents themselves
20. Eleya e, o di ile oko. This was reserved for the females among us. I t means literally, we will see how you will cope when you are grown up and married.
21. Gbe mi! means swallow it. It is used to hush you up when tears become uncontrollable and you are about to burst out in tears.
22. Add your own
If this post does not send you down memory lane, nothing can.Which of them is peculiar to your household?