If I were Patience Jonathan…

Our First Lady at the beginning, is it a case of packaging gone wrong? Cant help wondering when I compare the ‘before’ pictures with the after.Source
Try as I have, I have found it impossible to claim not to be aware of what is trending in Nigeria right now and even at the global level, no thanks to Boko Haram’s abduction of 276 innocent Nigerian girls,
From right, Naijamum, T3 and Naijadad on the way to T3’s school, not taking any chances…. LOL Just kidding, but seriously parents should stop at nothing to #keep our girls.  Image source: unknown, found on Facebook.
social media like Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, etc and efforts of rumour peddlers and the haters(?) of our first lady, Dame Patience Jonathan. Whether we like it or not, the first lady has finally secured for herself, a well deserved notoriety as someone who is incapable of stringing together a single sentence that is not a comical ridicule of the English language and instead of any noticeable improvement, things seem to be getting worse. The issue did not however garner enough interest in me to warrant writing a post on it until I stumbled upon a post on the same subject that appears to be in support of the first lady massacring of the English language.Contrary to the opinion expressed on the blog, I disagree with the fact that our first lady does not need to polish herself , does not need to improve her proficiency in the English language which is by the way Nigeria’s lingua franca.
Na only First Lady waka come? One of the before pictures, on her birthday celebrated in Australia. Source.
People seem to confuse ability to speak good English with speaking in foreign accents whether British, American, Jamaican, etc nobody expects the first lady to adopt any foreign accent or a combination of any. If we are opportune to listen to any recorded address or life address of the Queen of England, you would observe that she speaks good English devoid of any accent, that is the kind of English the likes of the late Bola Ige spoke,  it is the type that I try to speak if I am not in a rush. Is n’t the first lady supposed to be a role model to the Nigerian girls? I certainly would not want my children speak like that (after getting a first degree that is, I might pardon them if they have not gotten the opportunity to get an education).

I believe in packaging, total packaging, I also belong to the school of thought that says image is everything. Yoruba it is that have the saying that whiteness of teeth is an aspect of beauty, everything adds up. The fact that Patience Jonathan is first lady to over 170 million Nigerians and that only a tiny percent of them speak good English(according to the post) is not an excuse, those who do not speak good English look up to her as first lady, they want to emulate her so I am sure they would not want  her to perpetuate what they have already, they want something better. 

The fact that she has difficulty in speaking good English also calls to question her claim that she has a first degree in Biology and Psychology and that she was the best student in Her husband’s class. And not only that,that she was also a high school teacher for years. English still remains our lingua franca, and as far as we know there is no law stipulating that any local language be used as a medium of teaching in any school in Nigeria, so how did she get her degree? What language did she teach her students in? If our children should pass through the likes of Patience Jonathan as a teacher, would it not be the height of hypocrisy for us to expect them to pass O level English ? And we should not forget that a credit in English is one of the requirements for admission into institutions of higher learning in our country. Little wonder that  WAEC certification is not acceptable as entry qualification into institutions of higher learning outside Nigeria; except IGCSE, TOEFL etc. Coupled with the fact that our first degree certificate is not worth the paper on which it is written on outside the shores of our country and we all know that the world is now a global village, so we cannot live in isolation as we did under Abacha.  Right now, I am ashamed that I am a Nigerian, and I am sure the feeling is not peculiar to me. The only people who could have gotten away with the kind of English she speaks are people like my aged mother that did not see the four walls of any type of school, ( my mother would say the English she was speaking was free, After all she did not spend any money to learn it).

 Lets do a little comparison, what is the content of Michelle Obama’s speeches, it certainly is not rocket science and as I always say, it takes very little to become a star in this country, look at Fashola in government, look at GT Bank in financial institutions ,look at Channels TV in News casting,  look at Saka in theatre, look at Don Jazzy in ….. what  now? Does he sing or what ?

Anyway if I were the first lady, rather than saying I want to ep  help people and summoning all Military chiefs, Police, Naval and Air force, and  WAYEK   W.A.E.C. officers and two tishas, teachers and rather than asking ‘how many people waka come’ I would do the following: 

1. With all the cash and paraphernalia of State backing me up, I would get a trainer and lose some  weight, not to the point of being ‘lepa’ if you get what I mean but to the point of  being healthy enough to be more visible through making more necessary public appearances. I will also learn how to eat healthy so that I would not singularly exhaust the Nigerians’ share of miracles from God by having to make God to bring me back to life over and over again. When you look good, you feel good and is n’t  it a good thing to look good for we ‘your children’ and  father of our Nation, your husband?

An ‘after’ picture, at the ‘There is God o’ Press Conference’Source

2. I would do everything possible to improve on my command of the English language seeing that it is our lingua franca , not pidgin English. That should  not be too difficult Afterall if somebody like Salawa Abeni, an illiterate Waka musician could do it, it means it is possible.

3. I would do my best to comport myself in public as befits my office as a first lady, so I would do my best to stop myself from swaying from side to side when talking nor holding my head in my hands at a televised press conference especially on matters that I have allowed to fester for over three weeks unattended.

4.I would do my best to help bring back my husband’s credibility

‘The Father of our nation’, President Goodluck Jonathan Source

by performing my role as the mother of the nation through show of compassion to all Nigerians, regardless of our nationality, oops sorry about that, ain’t we supposed to have the same nationality? this Patience Jonathan’s English can be contagious, by sharing in their bereavement, creating a positive impact on my children’s (all Nigerians)lives be they Christians or Muslims, male or female, adults or children, PDP or ACN, Hausa, Ibo, Yoruba and other ethnic groups.

5.  Or best of all, I will take a cue from my predecessor and  forever keep quite in public and work in the background in support of my husband.

So help me God.






The Nigerian Way (The Naija Factor)

The Crazy Nigerian

naijaBack here in Nigeria there are three ways of doing things: The right way, the wrong way, and the Nigerian way. The sooner you learn that around this neck of the woods the better! Your particular choice would depend not so much on your nationality but rather whether or not you happen to be resident in Nigeria at the time. Yes, Nigeria has been known to make even the most principled expatriates behave in unorthodox ways. What would YOU do in the following situations?

 How to act when you arrive at a bank and meet a long queue

  • The right way – Get to the back of the queue and fall in line
  • The wrong way – Head to the front, ignoring the queue (and the hisses)
  • The Nigerian way – Persuade the person at the back of the queue to reserve the invisible spot behind him/her while you go…

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A helping hand and applying some Naija sense.

Who would not want to help women such as these, pregnant, nursing a baby and still having to work hard.

I have not blogged in a while, I have been preoccupied with so much .happening in my life, many distractions good and not so good or should I say ‘disguised good’ ? Anyways let’s move on. I have always believed in contributing my own share to help humanity and one of the ways I’ve always felt I can help is to help women anyway I can, maybe because I am a woman myself, or because women are disadvantaged compared to men so they need all the help they can get, or because when the chips are down, they can’t pick their shirts (or is it blouse or buba?) and move on, they are stuck with the kids come rain, come shine. And most importantly maybe because all the traditionally known vocation, skills  and means of livelihood for women are being eroded and taken over by men. For example, can you imagine a man being a professional alaga for wedding and engagement ceremonies?

Male alaga iduro? I hope men will not start strapping babies on their backs in the name of claiming equal rights with women.

rolling their eyes and their asses derrière and kneeling down for the bride’s or bridegroom’s family as the case maybe? Some men now sell pepper, Continue reading